i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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