I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
