I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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