Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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