Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
