the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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