Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my shit smells like andre
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
