I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
