The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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