nutella sex= disaster
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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