I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
