Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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