We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
