How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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