Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
