dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
