Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
