hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
