I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
