arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
