had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
