I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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