So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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