i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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