worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
