friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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