my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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