Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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