Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
