obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
