I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
