Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
