at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
