I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
