she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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