looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
