You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
