either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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