I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
