were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
