booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
