I bet he comes in French.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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