Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
