Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
