Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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