He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A bitchslap is in order.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
