You know, be my cock's hype man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
