I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
COCAINE IS GR8
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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