the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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