is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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