Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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