you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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