So gin and wine won't be happening again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
