Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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