if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
