Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
