It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
